This article, which is fact rather than fiction, is written at the behest of the Modern Empress (ME).
Its purpose is to describe my experience of serving ME from afar, and to discuss on-line servitude in
general. A further reason I am writing, perhaps the primary reason, is to explain how I reconcile two
aspects of my personality – the aspect I present to society and my submissive side.
To give the article context I think it would be helpful to explain a little about my background. I
am a (young, I hasten to add) 61 year old, born and raised in England but I have been working
in the Middle East (another ME!) for the last five years. I am happily married to a much younger
African lady. We have no children, although I do have adult children from an earlier marriage. My
wife lives in the UK so I spend much of my time alone. I am a reasonably well balanced individual,
with a healthy and positive outlook on life. I am well educated (degree), come from a middle
class background and have worked for the UK Government for over 35 years. With three overseas
postings and various adventures, I suppose you could also say I am reasonably well-travelled.
Since my early teenage years I have been conscious of being strongly drawn to the erotically
dominant female. That attraction first surfaced from sneaking views of my father’s bedside reading
– a collection of ‘Forum’ magazines and some more BDSM orientated material. I will resist the
temptation to explore the genetic or nature vs. nurture implications of that parental connection,
despite that being a potentially fascinating field of study. It is, though, perhaps important to say
that my attraction to the dominant female, that has run like a thread through my life for almost 50
years now, has a strong sexual element. The early images that so sparked my imagination (and the
early influence was strongly visual) were ‘classic’ BDSM picture and drawings (think Robert Bishop).
Perhaps because even the 1960’s permissiveness did not stretch to BDSM my interest was ‘secret’.
To be frank, the secretive and hidden nature of BDSM was in itself an attraction and I feel something
valuable has been lost (as well as much gained) by bringing BDSM into the mainstream – what once
was spicy and exotic is now just more vanilla.
My ‘secret sexual passion’ did not find tangible outlet for a surprisingly long time. Although trying
to introduce, without much success, elements of BDSM into my relationships, I did not visit a
Dominatrix until 1994, when I was 43. That was the beginning of a quite extensive exploration
of UK pro-dommes. I have lost count of the number of visits to ‘chambers’ I have made. Some of
the sessions were brilliant, others less so. One thing I did find was that when I found a Dominatrix
whom really interested me I would see her 3 or 4 times but then my interest would inevitably wane
and it was off to pastures new. Another trend that emerged, as my experience grew, was that I
became more selective and sought out the more sophisticated Dominatrix. I have some masochistic
tendencies but I am not a pain slut and it was the psychological aspects of BDSM, in particular power
exchange, that really interested me. I also began to discover that Asian Dominatrix seemed to excel
in the areas in which fascinated me and I developed a real rapport with Dominatrix of, for example,
Chinese (HK), Indian and Vietnamese origin.
Alongside sessions, I was also (and continue to be) quite sexually gregarious, having many flings, as
well as uncountable visits to hookers ‘along the way’.
The BDSM scene, like the rest of the world, changed quickly and dramatically as the internet
permeated all our lives. In the past, in keeping with the ‘secretive’ nature of the ‘industry’ getting
in touch with a Dominatrix was mainly via an expensive ‘direct contact’ magazine bought in some
seedy sex shop, and often being low quality, black and white and possibly a photocopy (anyone
remember ‘Dominant Bitch’?). Then suddenly hundreds of Dominatrix were accessible via well
designed and alluring websites with photo galleries, full descriptions of experience, sessions
available etc., etc. From famine to feast! Alongside this development came two new avenues to
explore –distance ‘training’ via e-mail and financial domination. I have immersed myself in both
worlds but my adventures with (sometimes to the outer limits of) financial domination is not
the subject of this article. Perhaps ME will ‘Commission’ that story another time! What e-mail
did permit though, was not just maintaining a relationship with a Dominatrix between sessions,
but also building a relationship without a physical meeting at all. Where I currently live there are
no Dominatrix but I have built a series of on-line relationships. I have, or intend to, meet them
all for real time sessions but in some cases that is merely the ‘icing on the cake’ as I have found
the ‘electronic’ relationship itself is often meaningful and gratifying. My distance communications
are mainly by e-mail but text messages, webcam sessions and phone calls all play a part.
Now it is time to be rather more specific and talk of my relationship with ME. That relationship is
quite new as I first contacted Her just over six months ago now. From the very start I explained to
ME my life was a bit complex and I wanted to be completely open and honest with Her. I have been
simply amazed by what has happened in a brief few months. ME is quite unlike any Dominatrix I
have ever encountered. She is refined, exotic, well educated, a mind as sharp as a razor and has a
brilliant sense of humour and a deep love of life. She is just the sort of extremely good looking young
lady most guys would love to have as a friend let alone a girlfriend! Her uniqueness, though, is that
all the aforementioned qualities are mixed with something that is really quite rare – a genuinely
deeply sadistic nature and an intuitive understanding of the Dominatrix/slave dynamic that is
unsurpassed. What is more, She has been able to completely captivate my imagination and engage
with my submissive nature in a deeper and more meaningful way than anyone I have ever
encountered, and that is without actually having met Her! Of course as ME has ‘commissioned’ this
article I am not going to bad-mouth Her, but remember the ‘foundation’ of my relationship with Her
is complete honesty and openness, and that extends to what I write here. There is also a rather hard
to describe aspect to my communications with ME that I have also found to be unique. It has been
my experience that Dominatrix, to a greater or lesser extent, are playing a ‘role’, even the so-
called ‘lifestyle’ Dominatrix. That can be limiting, and at times tiresome. I do not, however, get that
feeling with ME at all. It seems to me She is merely being herself, and that permits a freshness and
lightness that as welcome as a summer breeze on a hot day. It has made my interaction with Her
exciting, stimulating and downright good fun! But read on. If that was all then that would illustrate
what an extremely interesting and absorbing personality ME was, but perhaps little else. The ‘extra’
ingredient is that alongside the ‘normal’ interchange ME has begun to reveal to me Her depth and
power as a Dominatrix. There is a subtle point to be made here. One aspect of ME’s many skills is
that She is really very good indeed in assessing a slave’s level of understanding and degree of
development. I am at a certain place in my life and ME very quickly ‘tuned into’ that and is drawing
out the full potential I offer, both for Her own use and for my ‘education’. There are aspects of our
relationship I am not going to discuss both because they are too personal, and also because it may
give the wrong impression. What might be manna from heaven for me, may send another potential
slave (quite unnecessarily) running for cover!
I am going to finish this article by addressing the question of how I reconcile the different aspects
of my life – the face I present to the world, and my secret submissive side. To be completely honest
there is some conflict, some element of what could be described as the equivalent of being a ‘closet
gay’. However it is not, and has never been, a major problem or issue for me. Over the years I have
learned a little about myself. In the past I made really sincere efforts to change, to become a ‘good’
person and that meant, amongst other things, attempting to deny my sexuality. Such attempts were
doomed to failure from the start and as I realised the futility of that approach I began, in earnest,
the journey of self-discovery and acceptance. Yes, there are aspects of my personality that really
are not nice at all. I have a lovely wife; yet lead a secret life of which she knows nothing and which
would be devastating for her if she found out. In describing the process of individuation, the journey
to psychic wholeness, Jung both wrote much and personally explored what he called the shadow
side of the psyche. That aspect of our being truly does contain dark and frightening elements but it
is only by bringing them into the light of consciousness that they can be dealt with and, like noises
in the night, the monster often is in fact no more than the wind blowing twigs against the window
pane. My journey is not complete, far from it, but I am no longer ashamed of whom I am or what
I do. I am being true to myself and in doing so, serving Dominatrix, serving ME, is an essential part
of my journey and growth. Young in years ME is old far beyond her years when it comes to wisdom
and intuition. It is a very rare thing indeed to meet a wise being whom is also so good looking, wild,
impulsive, great fun and oh in some ways, so very deliciously dangerous!
I know one day soon I am going to meet ME face to face. I know She intends, when W/we do meet,
to put me through some fairly (ok, in Her own words, extremely) serious humiliation. Scared? A little.
Excited? Oh yes, very!
